One Year Ago...

we saw our little Sasha for the first time. I remember being in the room with the other family as we paced around and waited. We didn't know if we would be waiting a few minutes, half an hour, more...so we jsut made nervous conversation and paced. I remember the man who was waiting for his son to be brought inhaling and saying, "Oh, she's beautiful!," as an older woman brought a baby into the room. It was more than a little surreal and normal at the same time. I walked toward the woman and looked at the baby. I think I was trying to connect the pictures we had been sent over the months to the baby in front of me. I had thought she was a cute baby in the pictures, but she was adorable in real life. She calmly looked at me as I looked at her and then I reached out to take her from her nanny and she allowed me to take her without crying or showing any signs of being upset. She was wearing a shirt, long pants, a thick vest and a hat. I walked over and sat down on a chair so I could sit her on my lap and look at her more closely. We sat down and she just looked at me. She didn't show much expression at all. Kenny came over and talked to us and the nanny and went over some questions I had written down. I had been pretty sure I wouldn't be able to think intelligently once I saw her so I had written questions down and asked a friend of mine translate them into Vietnamese. They were basic questions like:
What was her schedule?
How often did she eat?
Did she eat solid food yet?
Did she share a crib with another baby?
How long had the nanny been taking care of her?
What did they call her?
According to the nanny, she was a good baby. She called her, "Lovely." She told us her schedule, said she woke up once or twice a night and that she had three bottles of formula a day, 3 1/2 ounces at a time. I thought they must be confused about the question, since she was just over five months old and had to be drinking more than ten ounces of formula a day. The nanny said they called her "Bui," which is the last name of the director of the orphanage and also her last name. (Sounds kid of like "buoy")I asked several times because I didn't think that sounded right. I know they reverse the order of the names when they write them down, but I was surprised they called her that. It was also surprising because I had kind of been trying to find a name that started with a "B," so she wouldn't feel her name was out of place with Brayden and Brookelyn. I never found a B name I loved though. We went there with three names, Sasha, Storey and Cheyenne. Ray was leaning toward Storey, but when we saw her she seemed so sweet and calme that Sasha seemed to fit. We thought she would need to be fiestier to have a name like Storey. We probably should have waited for a few days until we got to know her personality better. Within a few days she went from being calm and quiet to smiling and animated. We were also told that she had been with her caretaker for the entire time, that she didn't share a crib with anyone and that she was the only baby the caretaker was taking care of. I have many more questions I wish I knew the answers to for Sasha's sake. She was abandoned, so there is very little we do know.
In the beginning I used to be sad for her birthmother and thought about her a lot. I could only imagine how hard it would be to leave your baby. I kept wishing there was a way I could let her know somehow that her bbay was okay and that I would take good care of her. That was the main thing that kept going through my mind. Every time Sasha did something new or amazingly cute, I wished she could see it. Sasha has a couple of things she does with her hands, little mannerisms, that I am sure come from her birth mother or birth father's family. Things that would amaze them if they saw her do them since they are clearly hereditary. I wish I knew what her birth mother and father look like so I could tell her she looks like one of them. Her "firsts" were great and also bittersweet since I knew someone else was missing out on them. I knew they would be happy when she started going to a good school a few days a week. She was only sixteen months old, but I knew they would see it as a step toward a good education. I have made them promises in my heart that I would take good care of her, bring her back to Vietnam at least once in her childhood, make sure she gets a good education and love her with all of my heart.

Sasha,
Adopting you was one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to me. I feel honored and grateful that I am the one who gets to raise you. I love so many things about you. I love your adorable face, your pretty hair, your fierceness when you want something, your funny and sudden laugh, the way you make us laugh and smile with the games you make up to get our attention, the way you immediately start dancing the second you hear any music, the way you charge into any new situation without fear as long as I am there with you, and the way you follow Brayden and Brookleyn around and imitate them. I love getting you out of your crib in the morning and having you reach for your blanket and then snuggle against me as we go downstairs. I love how you have always clearly let me know that you want me next to you, how you reach your arms up to me to pick you up at different times throughout the day and how you snuggle against me at bedtime. I love how much you love being with your brothers and sisters and how you bring out this amazingly sweet side of everyone of them when they hold you or play with you. I love every minute with you and am amazed on a daily basis that I have you as my child. I am so proud to be your Mommy that just thinking about it almost makes me start to cry. I love you, little Sasha.
Mommy